One of the horrors of sexual abuse by a priest is that it usually has lifelong implications. There are many additional dimensions to such abuse: physical, emotional, psychological, and spiritual. I would like to take a few minutes to address the emotional and psychological (mental health) side.
The numbers are hard to track down, but in general it seems that in the mental health arena, many survivors develop addictions – drugs, alcohol, pornography, etc. Mental health conditions such as eating disorders, depression and anxiety are very common, but post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is even less common.
We know all too well that the lives of some victim/survivors are taken by themselves. The unbearable pain, shame and sense of aloneness associated with abuse, sometimes worsened by addictions, can tragically lead to despair. The thing I have learned throughout the years is that tomorrow is always better. If I can just hang on through those moments of despair, when I am contemplating how I am going to take my life, and/or talk to a trusted friend, tomorrow that pain isn’t quite as intense and life is bearable. I may not yet be able to see much of a glimmer of light in the darkness, but I have at least made it through the night alive. Soon I can see that light, that hope.
If you ever get to this place, please remember that. It is cliché, but it is true: it is darkest before the dawn. If you do not feel safe, please call someone, anyone. There is always someone waiting to talk to you at 1-800-273-8255. (1-800-273-TALK). A live chat is available at Lifeline Chat (click here) . You are unique, special and unrepeatable. You have people who will walk with you through this time. Hang on. Tomorrow really will be better.
My mental health journey has been all over the board. I was predisposed to depression before I experienced abuse. Genetics and home-of-origin issues dealt me a difficult hand. Post-abuse, I have been diagnosed with everything from depression to bi-polar II to PTSD. They seemed to go from the most common diagnoses to perhaps one of the least common. Recently, my psychiatrist expanded my mental health knowledge base. He diagnosed me with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, or C-PTSD.
Complex PTSD is an anxiety condition that involves many of the same symptoms of PTSD along with other symptoms. PTSD is a mental health condition in which people experience a variety of symptoms following exposure to a traumatic event. These may include flashbacks, nightmares, intrusive thoughts, anxiety, avoidance, and changes in mood and thinking.
The main difference between that and C-PTSD is the frequency of trauma. PTSD is caused by a single traumatic event whereas C-PTSD is caused by long-lasting trauma that continues or repeats for months, even years. C-PTSD is the form that is often found in victims of abuse. In my case, the abuse took place over a very long period of time. I was trapped in a loop from which I did not know how to escape. It was only in his death that I was free.
Medication is just one piece of the mental health puzzle. The therapist plays an extremely important role. Diet and exercise do as well. Those two are the pieces where I am not doing my best. It is currently Lent, a time of sacrifice. Now would be a good time to be doing better in those areas!
Getting out and about, connecting with others in person, enjoying my family, and not spending a lot of time on my phone scrolling through social media are all helpful as well. The social media I do scroll through is very limited and intentionally chosen with an eye towards my mental health. For now, I celebrate a good doctor who has figured out what is going on in my brain and how to treat it.
If you are a victim of clergy sexual abuse, please take care of yourself – all of your self – physically, emotionally, psychologically and spiritually.
Be kind to yourself. You are not alone. You are not to blame. You are believed.
Touching Jesus' Garment 
This is a great post and so very important
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